At one point last week, I just decided to switch off. Not disconnect, really, but to just allow things to wash over me, like diving under a wave at the beach.
At work, I tried to stay focused in little bursts of 15-30 minutes. It was all I could manage – but it also worked. I got the important things done. Not all of them, of course; there will be people who’d tell you I didn’t get *their* important things done, but my boss isn’t one of them, so that’s good.
I decided I needed to self-preserve in a new way. To identify my capacity limits and decide what to let in and what to keep out.
News? Easy, that’s OUT.
Friends sending me heart emojis? In.
Volunteering? In. But not every day.
Work problems that are big and demand focus? In. Entering a mental state of flow is one of the surest ways to regain a feeling of control.
Walking the dog as soon as he asks? In. Let’s go outside!
Doomscrolling? Out. If I could extricate myself that is…
Donating? In. I’m lucky, and I try to share from it.
Coffee break with a colleague on Teams that inevitably turns into an important work conversation? In. fun + productivity = stress reduction
People who need me? In.
People who need someone to unload on but it doesn’t have to be me? Out.
Some of these calls are tougher to make than others, and you might make different ones than I made.
What’s important is that we’re making each call consciously and with intention. Sometimes a separation from the norm helps us to gain perspective, to get out of ruts in relationships or conversations, to remember a bit about our true selves through the day-to-day hustle.
Waking up each day, I could tell within five to ten minutes whether this was going to be a day that I had a little extra energy for others or I needed to preserve everything I had just to get through the day. And to my surprise, I woke up three days in a row thinking, “I’m gonna need all this for myself today.” 72 hours is a long time to know that I didn’t have the bandwidth to be as supportive and outgoing to my friends and loved ones as I would have liked to be. And at a time when so many of us need so much more emotional energy than we typically might, it was hard to limit myself on interactions. But I knew it was really important for my health and for my ability to get the important things done at work each day.
Of course, I started with “only worry about what you can control.”
This weekend, I woke up too early on Saturday morning and after treating myself to a dog walk and a local coffee shop coffee (buy local!), I decided to tackle one kitchen drawer for 5 minutes – tossing last winter’s stale tea and making room for new tasty brews. Really, it’s because Mom’s coming for Thanksgiving and I don’t want to hear about how my kitchen drawers are a mess (y’all know what I’m talking about). At least, that’s how it started, but I realized as I finished up the one drawer that controlling this tiny corner of my physical space was incredibly healing. I did another drawer, lining up the restaurant packets and chucking the ones I’ll never use. I did another, tossing broken clothes pins and too many bread twisties, and setting everything upright in washed Talenti gelato containers.
Photo by portrait.coffee (and try their delicious coffee!)
When I finished, my kitchen looked exactly the same, but I felt lighter.
If you want to bring this idea home, start small. Really small.
What tiny corner of your space are you going to tidy up? Take out the recycling? One and done. Shuffle the papers on your desk into a pile to reduce visual clutter? 30 seconds. Delete three unused files on your desktop? Unload the dishwasher? Read and respond to five flagged emails? Return one phone call? Make the bed? Set a timer if you like; five minutes is a lot when you’re focused.
How does this play into your energy level this week? When you wake up in the morning, give yourself two breaths to ask and answer: What’s my energy level today? If today is an energy preservation day: What two typical energy drains are you going to keep at bay today? Can you enlist someone to help you with that? If today is one where you have a little to spare: Who will you reach out to that might need your time and heart-space?
We can accomplish great things individually and as a team. And 2020 has certainly called us to extend our energies in new ways. We’re also called on to ensure we are safe and intentional about the smallest corners of our life. Do you need a little boost to get started? I hope you'll call me if so. I’d love to work with you. But if you're starting out on your own, I recommend lining up the duck sauce packets in an old Talenti container.
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